I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
