every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize