I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
