if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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