its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
