You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
