Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
