It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
