I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
