I hate your face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My vagina is very pro this idea
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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