All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
