did you get engaged???
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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