So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
