oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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