don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
