Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
