i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
