i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
