I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
nutella sex= disaster
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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