Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
