Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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