I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
