Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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