That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
