When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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