you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
