You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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