Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
