I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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