theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
