You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
