Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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