Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
