he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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