Will you blow on my dice?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
