My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
