margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
