I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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