My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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