he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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