I hate your face
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
