i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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