you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
smell my finger.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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