I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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