your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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