I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
