I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
