I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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