never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
