i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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