I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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