if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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