I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
