I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
