I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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