Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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