Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
