we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
