even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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