Betty ford says i'm here all night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
