His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
