she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There are leaves in my underwear?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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