Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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