before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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