Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
