How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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