his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
