He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
