it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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