Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
