At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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