You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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