"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
