I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
