He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
