The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
