So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
