what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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